i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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