i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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