I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
