it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Semen is not good for contacts.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
