im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
