Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
