Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
