Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
