If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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