You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't deserve a penis
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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