The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
