you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
