I don't usually arrange sex via text message
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm at about main and main street
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
