I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
