He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
