there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
