I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I love having hate sex.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
