Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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