He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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