tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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