Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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