no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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