Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
