Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
