HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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