just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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