I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
