we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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