So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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