I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
