I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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