im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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