where am i from again
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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