If that was your dad, he is hot
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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