he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
