we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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