Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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