Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
