So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
