Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
A+ Viking dick
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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