Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
