I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
