That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
