Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
