i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
