I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
