She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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