I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am midnight drunk by noon
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
