Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
