Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
