im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
