Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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