if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
