Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
