Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
