I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
