I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
