Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
